weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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