Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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