smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
