Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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