I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My ass is underappreciated
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
