So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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