i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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