is your mom at the bar?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
