finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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