yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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