Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
