the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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