I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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