I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
