i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
