Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize