Jerry, you need to find god
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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