i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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