I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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