Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
