Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
