Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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