I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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