Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize