we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
