Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
