My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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