dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
do herpes really smell.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
