somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
