Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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