Sponge bath it is.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
