I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize