pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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