Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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