your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love you.
Bad choice
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