This girl is more easily done than said...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
