I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
