It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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