a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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