nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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