i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
