I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
