Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
