I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
