God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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