Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
