Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Will exercising make me less horny?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
