direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
