How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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