The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
