were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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