I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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