I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
