I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
