I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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