honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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