New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
