It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
