i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
