I heard we made out
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
