my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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