Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
