Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
