She announced her abortion via fbk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
