Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
