I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
